This is my teenage daughter’s closet. I am not posting this picture to embarrass her, or pretend my closet growing up was any different. I am posting it because it helps all us moms breathe easier. We are not alone, and although the supermom image is still hanging around like an old Yearbook photo, it is fading.
I always hated the saying, “Fake it Till You Make it.” It’ screams out, lie about where you are at – speaking the truth and being vulnerable is wrong. It is just as detrimental a saying as “Never let them see you sweat.” Guess what? We all sweat, we all have bad days, and we all struggle until we make it.
We have been dooped, led by Gillette’s marketing geniuses that tell us as women, we are not supposed to show our sweat. Even though it was to sell a product, it seeped into our culture, clogging our minds, along with our pores.
Thank God for our children. As toddlers, their strained carrots seeped into our carpets, as their round cheeks planted roots within our hearts. It was also common place for me to pull a pair of dirty jeans off the floor, but pretend they were clean. When those children turned into teenagers, my dirty jeans morphed into yesterday’s leggings. My wonderful boundary pushing mini adults with their messy rooms and natural self-centeredness, made sure I could not be a supermom even if I tried.
Freedom came when I remembered what I have always known. My daughter’s room with the clothes on the floor and her very messy closet, is not a reflection on my parenting skills or how valuable she is as a person. Her floor is messy because she is busy with her college acceptance process, preparing to leave the only home she’s known. She is buying shoes for Prom, studying hard, volunteering, working out and earning money as a dog walker. I am not saying don’t tell your kids to clean their room, I am saying shut the door and don’t take it personally. I am saying, DO NOT fake it to you make it. Keep it real, and be honest. Show your pictures of your kids’ messy rooms and dirty faces.
I am also saying, let’s slap on a cape, and turn all of us supermom wantabees into superheroes. Messy rooms, messy hair and messy houses is just small stuff.
I love my daughter, but her messiness is no more a reflection on me than the college sticker on the back of my car. I love her in all her beauty and messiness. And guess what? I was the same way. I was messy, and today at times, I still am. In fact, the messier my house, the happier I am. It means I am busy writing, talking with my husband, sitting with my son and giving him my full attention when he wants to show me his latest Lego creation. It means I would rather bake fresh home-made cookies, making a mess of my kitchen and talk on Facetime with my college daughter, than have an immaculate house.
It’s a six step process to go from supermom to superhero:
- Admit we sweat – keeping it real
- Understand our children are not a reflection upon us.
- Order our superhero cape – it is on sale on Amazon Prime
- Grab a shovel and start digging – join me in burying the supermom
- Know we are not alone.
The trend has been going from #supermom to #keepingitreal for years. Websites like Scary Mommy and movies like Bad Moms, are letting us off the hook. YouTube Videos of moms trying on bathing suits with less than optimal bodies and drinking wine in the laundry room, are the new normal, encouraging us to be real and laugh at our selves.
It has been my direct experience as a writer and mom that when we keep it real, there is a big sigh of relief; a feeling of gratitude when a mom comes clean and shows her child’s messy room, her own realistic unphotoshopped body, or her child’s college rejection letter. It is time to stop pretending and start laughing. Let’s smother the flames of perfectionism with a smile and the truth.
We are not there, but we are getting better. As more posts and videos pop up of moms keeping it real, more supermom posts will die in the wake of fake smiles and impossible to keep immaculate bedrooms.
The supermom is dying, and I am helping dig her grave.
Next time, I may go crazy and show you my junk drawer and garage. Keeping it real.